“I shall return!” cries George Osborne as he falls into his own reactor

author avatar by 7 years ago

George Osborne has vowed to return after plunging into his own reactor this afternoon.

Raising a defiant, claw-like hand as he fell, Osborne pledged a terrible vengeance upon those who have wronged him to be enacted through the Editorial column in the Evening Standard.

Insisting that he was merely plunging into the unshielded core of the reactor powering his Doomsday weapon ‘for now’, Osborne was last seen being consumed by an atomic fire of his own creation leaving behind naught but a terrible, lingering air of menace.

Osborne, who spent six years as Chancellor of the Exchequer in his volcano lair on Downing Street, had been expected to stay on after the election with sources describing his sudden plunge as ‘unexpected’.

“George never gives up”, we were told.

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“You can blow up his secret oil-rig base, reprogramme his missiles, or throw him into a piranha pit, but come morning he’ll be back at his desk plotting perdition with his legion of jumpsuit-clad goons.

“But we think he’s genuinely gone this time. Even the black leather swivel chair and fluffy but slightly sinister cat are missing from his inner sanctum at Portcullis House.

“The only thing that could bring him back now is Big Ben being struck by a terrible, violent bolt of lightning, but what are the odds of that, eh?”