Songbirds have demanded vaginal infections be renamed after Danny Dyer as he’s an irritating c***.
Thrushes, who do sterling work clearing your garden of slugs and snails before singing about it in a decorative fashion, are outraged they should be compared to a nasty itch in the crotch when there’s the star of Run For Your Wife and Eastenders out there.
“I sit on your tree singing my little heart it for no better reason to increasing the net happiness of the world, and what do you do? You name a gopping fanny after me,” said Thrush Simon Williams.
“Why couldn’t you have called it ‘pigeon’? They’re all manky already and most of them only have one foot.
“We think Danny Dyer would be an appropriate name. It’s annoying, produces a constant weak discharge, puts you right off sex, and seems much more threatening than it actually is.”
When asked, Danny Dyer – who once suggested someone assault their ex-girlfriend as he thought it was funny – said he thought the change would be fair and he couldn’t think of any reasons why it shouldn’t happen.