Human race encouraged to enjoy their final Easter free from crippling radiation poisoning

author avatar by 7 years ago

Political and religious leaders worldwide are urging every human being to make the most of the last Easter they will experience before the inevitable and devastating nuclear war between North Korea and the United States.

With Kim Jong-Un threatening ‘catastrophic consequences’ after Trump ordered an armada of warships towards the Korean peninsula, many fear that it is only a matter of time before stubby little fingers are jabbing nuclear launch buttons like there is literally no tomorrow.

From the Vatican, the Pope announced “Let your hair down people, and just go wild.

“Could be your last chance to enjoy yourselves, so just go for it and do absolutely whatever you want. After all, if we’re still around in May you can just confess whatever you’ve got up to anyway.”

Her Majesty the Queen echoed the sentiment, addressing her Commonwealth and saying, “One acknowledges the gravity of the world situation, and one will be getting totally monarched this weekend, and one doesn’t care who knows it.

“One has never seen a finer time for a right royal piss up, and one suggests everyone get on that shit post-haste.”

From his lair in the White House, the bloated amber dictator in charge of America sought to reassure everyone, saying “Relax, people. The Donald has this under control. There will be no nuclear holocaust.

“But if there is, it will be so good, just great, the best.

“Believe me – I never lie.”