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A woman whose cat stays out all night and never shows her any affection still thinks it loves her, according to friends.
Simone Williams, whose cat Mister Snuggleflumps regularly gets into fights and has fathered several litters with neighbouring pets and strays picked up off the street, says that so long as he always comes home she knows he loves her.
“We’re thinking of staging an intervention,” one of Simone’s friends told us.
“That cat flails at her with its claws, eats her out of house and home and sometimes takes a crap on the rug and all Simone says is that it’s ‘just the way he is’ and insists he loves her really.
“The other night she was trying to cuddle him and I swear to God he’d have had her eyes out if he could.
“She should dump that cat and get a boyfriend. They’re cleaner, friendlier and more trustworthy.”
When asked, Mister Snuggleflumps told us that being stuck in a relationship with one human would be ‘like having your balls cut off’.
