The arrival of a US Carrier Fleet off the coast of North Korea has been met by brave leader Kim Jong-Un heroically wetting himself.
North Korean papers praised Kim’s sudden loss of bladder control, describing it as an incredible display of resolute and decisive explosive urination, and saying it showed solidarity with the people – none of whom have working toilets either.
Describing the rapidly-expanding damp patch in the crotch of his trousers as being like ‘the spread of the people’s revolution against imperialism’, Kim threatened a terrible retribution through the lavatory door.
He then defiantly demanded someone get him another roll of Andrex, as Imperialist aggressors had conspired to make him run out.
“The mighty armed forces of the DPRK will absorb any attacks, like a pair of twill trousers absorbs an uncontrollable stream of urine”, he thundered to party faithful who were gathered outside the bathroom to hear him speak.
“Any aggression by the United States will be met by a fiery retribution on land, sea and air just as soon as I’ve finished emptying out my shoes.
“Oh Jesus, it’s going cold. Does anyone have any dry socks?”