Hitler distances himself from Sean Spicer

author avatar by 7 years ago

The furious ghost of Adolf Hitler has distanced himself from White House spokesman Sean Spicer over comments made yesterday.

Speaking through a medium, the shade of the Fuhrer angrily rejected Spicers claim that he did not use chemical weapons – instead insisting that it’s the very thing he’s most famous for.

“Yes, I may be a dictatorial megalomaniac who slaughtered millions in a futile pursuit of racial superiority, but I’ve got some standards,” said a visibly agitated Hitler.

“The White House claiming I didn’t gas anyone as part of a mealy-mouthed justification of their actions is an attack on my good name as leader of the Third Reich.

“This is the thing I’m best known for, and it’s outrageous he’d ignore it just to score a few political points. If Herr Spicer doesn’t think I used chemical weapons I’ve got a fucking shed to show him.

“Now if you’ll excuse me, my arse has an urgent appointment with a pitchfork.”

The White House has subsequently clarified their spokesman’s remarks, saying there’s clearly a big difference between using gas bombs on civilian populations, and rounding them up first so you can do it more conveniently.