Man ‘shitting it’ at the prospect of starting new job after ‘completely winging’ interview

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A man who successfully interviewed for a job that he only has the vaguest of knowledge of ‘completely winged’ the interview, it has emerged.

Simon Williams, the newly installed Head of Applied Physics at Dunstable University only applied for the job as he was ‘fed up’ with his previous role as a caterer, and presumed his application and life would be scornfully dismantled by a panel of evil interviewing entities.

“I thought it might be a laugh,” confessed Williams in a small voice, to our source.

“I was buttering upwards of 850 baps a day and I just wasn’t feeling it anymore. I was bored with baps – which I honestly thought would never happen.

“I also developed ‘Spreader’s Wrist’ – a serious RSI condition which unfortunately for my self-esteem, mimics the symptoms of ‘Wanker’s Despair’ – a similar wrist condition.”

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After applying for the role, Williams was shocked to receive an invitation to interview the following week.

“So, I thought I’d go along, bullshit them a bit… I’d pretty much made up 70% of my CV anyway.

“I somehow got through the interview just making stuff up without laughing, sweating profusely, or running out of the room, screaming.

“And I’ve now got a week to develop a working understanding of advanced physics … and teach it to Bedfordshire’s finest.”

Williams has been rumoured to have been paying his nephew to drop apples on his head from a tree in a bid to secure a thorough understanding of the physical sciences.