UK to fund £100m donation to landmine eradication charity by selling alternative methods of killing people

author avatar by 7 years ago

The UK Government’s donation of £100m to a charity dedicated to the eradication of landmines will be funded by a deal to supply all manner of weapons and armour to various terrifying despotic countries in the middle-east and Africa.

Theresa May made the announcement during her tour of the world’s most oppressive regimes over the past few days.

“This is one of the many advantages of Brexit,” said the Prime Minister with a straight face.

“We are now free to give aid to such wonderful charities as the Halo Trust to help eradicate landmines, and fund that aid by selling to the sort of regimes that use landmines a wide selection of alternative methods to murder, maim and kill.

“Take the Eurofighter Typhoon, that we sell to Bahrain, that features two ASRAAM infra-red missiles, six Brimstone 2 precision strike missiles, and two Paveway IV GPS/laser guided bombs.

“That’s going to be a far more efficient method of indiscriminately killing people than landmines.”

A Bahraini woman described her excitement at seeing an end to the use of landmines.

“The thought of a landmine-free Bahrain is wonderful,” she said, eyes wide with hope.

“I look forward to the day where my untimely death will be brought about by a much more efficient piece of British-made weapon technology instead.”