Fake sport generates real emotions

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A retirement from a sport which is more choreographed than ballet has generated more genuine emotion than most real events today.

Mark Calaway, who spent over twenty-five years pretending to be an embodiment of evil and who on one memorable occasion literally walked through fire to entertain his fans, stepped down as The Undertaker yesterday.

Fans are understood to be astonished that the fake death of a fake dead person could have generated so much real emotional reaction.

Calaway, who out of the ring was as generous to his co-stars and charity as he was unrelentingly ruthless within it, often affected supernatural powers which were actually the result of a dedication to athleticism which would have shamed men decades his junior.

Fans of wrestling rejected the suggestion that the sport is in some way to be looked down upon due to the high levels of scripting involved, saying that the significant risk of injury and death to performers requires sensible precautions to be taken.

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“Yeah, it’s fake. But so is Swan Lake, and that doesn’t have Tombstone Piledrivers or anyone getting hit with a chair,” we were told.

“Which would improve it no end and make it considerably more popular, I’d bet.

“I’ll tell you this; I’ll accept ballet is better than wrestling the day the Dying Swan in Swan Lake ends with the swan leaving their hat and coat on stage as the crowd chant their name.”