Doctors have warned Brexiters so excited at the prospect of a war over Gibraltar that they have maintained erections for nearly a full day to try and calm it down.
The ‘Brexerections’ began after 462-year-old vampire Michael Howard appeared, visibly tumescent, on BBC’s Sunday politics to threaten Spain with similar military force to that which Argentina received during the Falklands War.
“Pour some cold water on it, bash it with a spoon, think about remaining in the EU, anything to stop the erection,” said doctor Eleanor Gay.
“It simply isn’t healthy.”
But fervent Brexit supporter and serial indecent exposer Simon Williams remained unconcerned, even pleased.
“Well, to be honest, I wasn’t sure what was going on at first. I mean, normally I’d have to expose myself to several schoolgirls before there’d be so much as a twitch.
“But this was zero to two and a half inches of rock-hard Brexit love in a matter of seconds.
“Honestly, I haven’t had an erection like this since Margaret Thatcher’s funeral.”
The Prime Minister tried to take the heat out of the situation before she had any potentially embarrassing meetings with Liam Fox or David Davies.
“I don’t believe there will be any problems with regards to Gibraltar, so everyone should try to calm down,” she said
“And even if we are forced into military conflict then I’m sure we’ll be able to rely on our European allies to – Oh tits.”