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Nigel Farage is to spend the rest of the day going around branches of Tesco and bending all the bananas.
The former UKIP leader said he will celebrate this momentous day by giving the British people the bendy bananas they rightfully deserve, and that have been kept away from these shores all these years by meddlesome EU bureaucrats.
Farage told reporters outside a Tesco Superstore in North London, “The people have spoken, and they have demanded bendy bananas, and I am here to get on with the process of bending those bananas.
“No more delays, no more pontificating, no more trying to appease the losers – we won, bananas will be bendy, get over it!”
Banana shoppers have reacted with dismay at Farage’s attempts to deliver what he believes is the will of the people.
Simon Williams told us, “He said he’d deliver straight bananas, but having visited the fruit aisle all I saw was a sizeable brown mushy mess and lots of Brexiters blaming the EU for conspiring to thwart their attempts to straighten them, rather than admitting the plan was foolish.
“I only wish I knew something about metaphors.”
