Women have legs, reveals Daily Mail

author avatar by 7 years ago

The Daily Mail has used its front page to exclusively reveal that two women both have legs.

The ‘newspaper’ managed to obtain a photograph of British Prime Minister Theresa May and Scotland First Minister Nicola Sturgeon that seems to prove that both women are in possession of their legs.

While other news outlets chose to focus on the more mundane aspects of their meeting, such as the very future of the United Kingdom, the Daily Mail took the brave stance of confirming the long-held suspicion that both women are bipedal.

Although the article did not categorically state that the legs in question work as expected, the fact that the Daily Mail didn’t refer to either woman as a ‘scrounging bastard cripple who should be shot,’ seems to indicate the all four legs are, in fact, fully functional.

“The Daily Mail is immensely proud that our leader has some legs,” said Simon Bastard, a Daily Mail subeditor.

“For years the mainstream media has been focussing on the performance of our politicians from the waist up – well not us!

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“The out-of-touch liberal elite will no doubt be complaining that we didn’t put a disabled Ugandan lesbian immigrant on the cover, but we here at the Mail are true patriots.

“And we say ‘Up the PM’s legs’.”

Throughout the coming days and months, the Daily Mail is expected to continue its tireless anatomical work and confirm pictorially that many young women who were children until very, very recently now have breasts.

I think therefore I am (not a Daily Mail reader)