Canada to legalise marijuana to help them cope with living next to America

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Prime Minister Trudeau says his new domestic policy will be to get baked and wait for the neighbours to their south to chill out a bit.

A statement from the Canadian government says they intend to legalise marijuana as quickly as possible because holy shit they’re definitely going to need it.

Drug reform has been a big topic in the country for many years, but experts believe the election of President Trump hastened the process – due to Trudeau calling a press conference the day after the US election and asking if anyone had any ‘really strong shit’ they could let him have a bang off.

When told that would actually be illegal, Trudeau was overheard muttering “We’ll see about that” in an off-the-record comment.

Canadians have welcomed the move to legalise cannabis, insisting that when you’re as high as a kite, some of Donald Trump’s public speeches actually start to make sense.

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Speaking to reporters yesterday, Trudeau said, “Wow, yeah. So. Trump. Trump. Uh, yeah. So I reckon we’ll be needing as much of this stuff as we can get our hands on for a few years, amiright? Amiright?

“But, so, yeah, anyone got any Pringles? I feel like I need them just so as I can watch them…watch them..oh, come on, you know. Trump.

“He’s so orange. So. Orange,” he added, before falling over in a fit of giggles.

Canny Canadian retailers have already begun planning regionally-themed flavoured marijuana cigarettes, with a bacon-flavoured mix already extremely popular in advance sales.