Monday 27 March 2017 by Pete Redfern

I’ll be wearing blue face paint and riding a horse to meet with Theresa May, confirms Nicola Sturgeon

Nicola Sturgeon, SNP

The tiny SNP warrior has today confirmed that she will be seeking to make a fearsome impression as she approaches her critical meeting with the Prime Minister this week.

Nicola Sturgeon will be hoping to come across as a brave leader who would give her life for Scotland’s independence as she meets with Theresa May during the week Article 50 is triggered, signalling Britain’s departure from the EU.

“This will be one of the biggest meetings of Nicola’s life,” a close aide of the First Minister, Simon McWilliams told reporters.

“The future of Scotland in a post-Brexit world hangs in the balance, and she’ll be damned if she’s going to stand by and let Scotland be dragged down with the rest of Britain.”

He continued, “In preparation for the meeting, Nicola asked me to order some blue face paint, a claymore and a horse so that she can be fully prepared to fight for an independent Scotland, free from the evil, corrupt rule of the English gentry, whatever that means.

“No-one knows where her inspiration for this has come from, but for the past fortnight she has just locked herself away, watching the same film over and over again. I haven’t seen it, but apparently it was directed by and starred an American, so I don’t see the connection.

“Still, if it works and she successfully battles for Scotland’s independence then it will have been worth her looking a bit daft.”

He added, “She just wants to be able to settle the question of Scottish independence once and for all.

“Er, again.”

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