‘Brexit likely to widen pay gap’ Theresa May assures CEOs

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Theresa May today allayed fears of Britain’s highest paid executives by confirming that Brexit will ‘go no way towards addressing the pay gap’ between Britain’s highest earners and those on the national living wage.

May has come under increasing pressure to address the issue of executive pay after reports in today’s papers suggest Britain’s top CEOs earn a meagre 386 times more than their workers.

The report from the Equality Trust was a cause for concern for many top executives and senior Tory members after it was revealed CEOs only pocket an average of £5.3 million each year, compared to a whopping £13,662 for the ‘workshy scroungers’ they employ.

A Tory party spokesperson confirmed, “With all this uncertainty around Brexit, many Tory party members and FTSE 100 chief executives wanted assurances from the government that their privileges will remain after leaving the EU.

“The world has a certain natural order, and it is this government’s responsibility to ensure it stays that way.”

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The Trust issued its findings amid growing worries over a squeeze on living standards of top executives from policies such as the national minimum wage and the recent backlash over zero contract hours.

Worryingly for May, the report found that FTSE 100 chief executives are only paid 165 times more than nurses, ‘who are mainly foreign and female – and in some cases both’; 140 times more than teachers who are ‘always complaining about something’; and 132 times more than police officers who ‘used to be on our side, but aren’t any more’.

The Tory spokesperson continued, “We have today been assured that the outlook is looking very positive for Britain’s wealthiest, which is good news for our children and grandchildren and just goes to show what can be achieved when we’re allowed to say anything we want to the public.”