EU announces summit to invent new insulting terms for the British

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A summit of EU member states to discuss the creation of new insulting terms for the British is be held on 29 April, a month after the UK triggers Article 50.

The summit is expected to cover everything from casual xenophobic slurs to new national stereotypes.

“We have at least two years of intensive, fractious bickering about to begin,” said European Council president Donald Tusk.

“We’re going to need to up our insult game because, if nothing else, the British can insult foreigners like no one else.

‘Italian ponce,’ ‘Spanish layabout,’ ’Biscuit-faced Belgian bastard’ – and that’s just one paragraph from the Daily Telegraph. We’re going to have to do a lot better than ‘Rosbif,’ or ‘Teapot’.”

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It is understood that some preliminary work has already begun.

“Yes, Angela’s come up with ‘Great Shitain.’ I mean, we’re all very grateful for her hard work, but I think shows the scale of the job we’ve got on here.”

Whilst the summit looks set to be immensely challenging, Mr Tusk is confident that there is one national British characteristic that they’ll be able to exploit for all slurs and insults.

“Well, you voted for Brexit, so you’re clearly a breathtakingly stupid nation, which gives us a lot to work with.”