Election expense scandal unlikely to bother people who voted for party led by man who fucked a dead pig

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Experts claim the British electorate is unlikely to give two shits about the Conservatives cheating over expenses during the 2015 general election when it wasn’t remotely bothered that the Prime Minister fucked a dead pig.

Analysts are divided over whether or not the failure to report six-figure sums the Conservatives spent on trying to win three key seats at the general election was an ‘administrative error’.

However, occasional voter Simon Williams said, “What the cocking bollocks are you talking about?

“Of course they’re in it up to their eyeballs, they are the Tories.

“We all know that’s the sort of thing they do; we just can’t devote the required attention to do anything about it. Ooh, look, a video of a sheep on a skateboard.”

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The Electoral Commission has said there was a ‘realistic prospect’ the money had given the party an advantage and the police are currently investigating whether prosecutions should be brought against candidates.

However, they stopped short of calling for by-elections because one of the seats was contested by Nigel Farage.

A Tory party spokesman said, “We regret this oversight and accept the incredibly punitive fine of £70,000 that will – oh, I appear to have something in my eye – where was I? Oh yes, the fine that will definitely make sure nothing like this – oh stop it – ever happens again.”

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