Choice of evening meal based purely on how much washing up it will create

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This evening’s dinner will be chosen purely on the basis of the amount of washing up it will create, according to reports today.

With the avoidance of washing up now a higher priority than nutritional value or ‘taste’, it is expected you will be eating something that goes in the microwave and looks nothing like the picture on the cover.

Eater, Simon Williams told us, “I thought about maybe having some fresh vegetables, but then you’ve got a chopping board, at least one knife, and the pots to boil or steam them – and that’s all without any fancy roasting or sauces to make them taste less vegetable-y.

“Who’s got the time to deal with all that washing up? I mean, I like the idea of fresh food, but it’s just so much hassle, you know?

“I think I’ll just prick this plastic thing with a fork a few times and wait three minutes for the ‘ding’.

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“Then, if I cover my eyes I can almost kid myself I’m eating salty gloop at some fancy restaurant that serves it in plastic bowls instead of on a plate.

“Best of all, when I’m finished I can chuck the container in the bin, and the cutlery can go straight back in the drawer – as long as I lick it clean.”