‘Can’t we just flip a coin?’ asks referendum-weary public

author avatar by 7 years ago

The public’s response to news of another referendum over Scottish independence has been one of overwhelming dismay, with many people asking if we could just flip a coin or something instead.

“I can’t handle another referendum, I just can’t,” sobbed average man Simon Williams.

“Everyone spends ten weeks claiming that everyone else is a massive liar, then all of a sudden, someone in Government realises that they’re ten points behind in the polls because they completely forgot to do any campaigning and the whole of Westminster collectively shits itself before bringing in Gordon Brown to shout at us all.

“It’s inhuman; no one should have to go through that again.”

“After the EU last year and Scotland the year before, are we planning on one each year?

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“I know we should be grateful to live in the sort of democracy where the people’s voice is listened to like this, but at least if you’re in North Korea or Iran, you don’t have to put up with Alex Salmond.”

Other than flipping a coin, there have already been countless other alternatives to a referendum suggested; including a pop trivia quiz with the winner keeping Scotland, telling Nicola Sturgeon we already had a referendum when she was on holiday, and she came a close second, or just pretending that no one said anything about a referendum and just all acting normally.