Wednesday 8 March 2017

Our manifesto promise not to increase National Insurance relied on you idiots not voting for Brexit, clarifies government

Philip Hammond Budget National Insurance increase

The government has confirmed that when it comes to manifesto promises, all bets are off now that the electorate has decided to leave the EU.

Philip Hammond was addressing the Commons when he explained that his party’s 2015 manifesto pledges came with the caveat that the voters must refrain from doing something monumentally stupid.

Hammond told reporters and voters outside the Commons, “Yes, we pledged not to increase National Insurance, and here I am increasing National Insurance, so it might look like I’m making this up as I go along – but frankly you lot started it.

“I wouldn’t be here announcing this increase in your tax if you hadn’t opted for Brexit. It’s not like you weren’t told it would hit you in the pocket eventually.

“Look, it’s not all bad – maybe you can replace the money in your pocket with a bit of lovely sovereignty, eh? I’m sure you can cash that in at whatever budget supermarket you’re being forced to shop in.

“Anyway, get used to this. You didn’t for one moment think the consequences of Brexit would be felt by the people who convinced you to vote for it, did you?

“Like I said, idiots the lot of you.”

Brexit means Clusterfuck – get the t-shirt

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