Britain’s ‘best places to live’ will do literally anything to keep out the likes of you

author avatar by 7 years ago

The best places to live in the UK have been announced, and residents have warned you not to get any funny ideas about moving there.

With Bebington on the Wirral, West Norwich and Bournemouth leading the way, residents of those areas have been quick to explain it’s only nice because no-one like you lives there.

Long-time Bebington resident Simon Williams told us, “Our small town is idyllic and picturesque and lovely, and will now be frankly overrun by the sort of arseholes who chase happiness based on what they read in the newspaper.

“You’ll no doubt be wanting to come here with your elitist metropolitan ways. Or you’ll have a caravan on your drive. Oh God, you might even want to fix a motorbike in your front garden, or have kids called Kevin or Tracy who kick balls around in the street.

“It’s not that we don’t want you, personally. It’s just that we don’t want people like you. You know, the sort who invite people round to watch the X Factor final.

“Don’t lie, we know you do it.”