by 
The only man in the UK who still believed that there would be a weekly investment of £350m in the NHS following Brexit has finally realised that it won’t happen.
Simon Williams, a Brexit supporter and enthusiastic sniffer of ladies’ bicycle seats, came to the realisation yesterday morning.
“I’d just booted up the computer to log onto the Mail Online to enjoy some pictures of ex-child stars who are all grown-up and wearing bikinis,” said Mr Williams.
“When from out of the blue, it hit me – the £350m thing isn’t going to happen.”
Touchingly, Mr Williams had maintained his belief in the idea that Brexit would somehow benefit the NHS despite the claim being refuted by Nigel Farage, Michael Gove, countless financial experts and Mr Williams’ own mother, Maureen.
“Obviously, I believed it. I mean, if a straight shooter like Boris Johnson – who would never lie to further his own career at the expense of other people’s well-being – said that the NHS would get £350m then that’s definitely good enough for me.”
However, despite having been made to feel a little foolish over his credulity, Mr Williams remains an enthusiastic supporter of Brexit.
“Oh yes, we’ve got all our control back, bloody loads of sovereignty and I even saw a bendy banana the other day.
“Brilliant.”
