“Don’t Panic!” shouts Corbyn

author avatar by 7 years ago

Lance-Corporal Corbyn has reassured his platoon that the Tories don’t like it up ’em this morning.

Responding to a hilarious series of misadventures which were largely of his own making, Corbyn gave a long and rambling anecdote about something that happened when he was a young man fighting in the 1970s before picking up his rifle and showing everyone how he used to bayonet Tories in his youth.

Corbyn and his men, who are Britain’s last line of defence against a foe they refer to only as ‘The baddies’, are causing concern in high command despite the high regard in which they hold themselves and their own abilities.

“The problem with Lance-Corporal Corbyn is that he’s still fighting a war that happened forty years ago,” said Captain Mainwaringdelson in an off-the-record interview.

“He thinks that ‘Johnny Tory-Wory’ will just up and flee when presented with good, honest British socialism – and they’ve not done that this century.

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“Lance-Corporal Corbyn is very keen and very brave – nobody is denying that – but anyone can see on parade that he’s always half a step behind everyone else.”