£350m per week saved from EU to be spent implementing NHS cuts

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The cost of implementing swingeing cuts to NHS hospitals across the country will be covered by the £350m previously spent on the EU, according to reports today

Up to two-thirds of hospitals in England could face cuts including the replacement of expensive cancer treatment departments with just hoping for the best and emergency wards to be decommissioned in favour of signposts with directions to other emergency wards.

“The huge reduction in services is going to be tremendously expensive,” said a government spokesperson.

“Demolishing buildings, redundancy programs, eBay listings for medical technology, culling old people that we will no longer be able to take care of – without that £350m per week that we’re saving from the EU, we could never afford to make all these cuts.”

Brexit supporters were surprised at the news.

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“Well, I suppose that bus didn’t actually state exactly what in the NHS the £350m a week would be spent on,” said credulous buffoon Simon Williams.

“Or perhaps the other side of the bus said that we’d be using it for cuts, I don’t know. Can’t help thinking I should have looked a bit closer now.”

The government spokesman confirmed that after the cuts, the £350m would continue to be spent on the NHS.

“Of course it will; privatising a huge public service like the NHS won’t be cheap you know.”