Put the bread on the ground and back away slowly, geese have confirmed today.
The bread, which you had intended to give to some ducks, looks very tasty and it would be a shame if something were to happen to you – if you get the drift.
The geese, who normally just waddle around the park hissing at people like they own the place, don’t want things to get nasty so just be smart and nobody will get hurt much.
And that had better not be some fancy artisan wholemeal and spelt shit you’re carrying. Just smooth white Mother’s Pride, “The good stuff,” they added.
“You’ve heard that story about how a swan can break a man’s arm with its wing?” asked a spokesgoose who threatened to rear up and honk at us if we so much as looked at him funny, never mind named him.
“Well with us geese it’s your kneecaps. Both of them. So don’t try anything funny with that walking stick, boy.
“That’s right. Just throw the bread over there and keep walking, sucker.”
The geese will continue to operate the park bread racket until Big Dazza the swan arrives, as he will mess shit up good and proper if he doesn’t get his share.