There was jubilation in the White House earlier this morning as, for the first time since Donald Trump took office, an hour passed without some form of catastrophe befalling the Trump administration.
Between 6 am and 7 am the White House went about its normal business without either offending anyone, accidentally leaking top secret information, or having someone resign from a top post.
The previous record was two weeks ago when the Trump administration went 37 minutes without calamity before President Trump tweeted that he intended to invade New Zealand, before tweeting several minutes later that he was speaking ‘metaphorically.’
President Trump was quick to proclaim the achievement.
“This administration is running like a well-oiled machine,” said the psychotic ex-bit part player from Home Alone 2.
“At least it was between 6 am and 7 am this morning, and that’s when it counts folks, that’s when it really counts.”
There was a concern that the disaster would occur at 6.32 when the President walked within pussy-grabbing distance of a female intern while on his way for his morning fake-tan bath, but she managed to distract him by claiming that there was a Mexican in the White House grounds.
Sadly, the air of Presidential competence was not to last as at 7.07am President Trump himself tweeted that Belgians were all ‘pricks’ and press secretary Sean Spicer shot a Washington Post reporter in the leg.