Argentina claims newly discovered ‘eighth continent’

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Argentina has lodged a claim on the newly discovered ‘Zealandia’, saying it is historically a part of their country.

According to a petition lodged with the United Nations twenty minutes after the discovery was announced, Zealandia, which is a distinct continental plate beneath New Zealand, was colonised by the British against the wishes of the actual Argentinian owners.

The petition includes several historical maps to support the claim, although critics have pointed out that the ink on them is still wet.

Asking for an immediate handover of the disputed territory, Argentina has pledged that the wishes of the current inhabitants will be listened to before being completely ignored.

“Zealandia, or Las Zealvinas as they are correctly known in their proper tongue, were stolen from Argentina centuries ago”, Argentinian envoy Simonio Williamsias told the UN whilst chopping an onion.

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Brushing away genuine tears of injustice, he continued, “But they were stolen – stolen! – from the indigenous Argentinian people by the perfidious British.

“Las Zealvinas son Argentinas!” he cried.

Argentina is expected to struggle to uphold their claim at the UN as other nations have also claimed the new territory – most notably China who say the new continent is actually historically a part of their country and they’re building an airstrip there to prove it.