Rare form of lichen discovered growing on Jeremy Corbyn

author avatar by 6 years ago

Biologists have been delighted by the news that a rare form of lichen has been found growing on Jeremy Corbyn.

Thus far 79 species of lichen have been found growing on the Labour leader, but the latest discovery is of a type that is normally only found on geologically stable rocks which haven’t done anything in thousands if not millions of years.

The only other known colony of the rare lichen – called Brexitensis Threelinewhipiansis – anywhere in Britain is to be found on Stonehenge, which has sat there doing fuck all for almost eight thousand years.

The discovery has sparked controversy in the lichen-spotting community, as some experts maintain the breed is that normally found on sloths which are known to move up to several feet per year whilst also holding the government to account.

Brexitensis is only found in the most stable, immobile conditions. The slightest change or movement can destroy a colony,” we were told by a worryingly thrilled lichen expert.

“So in hindsight, Jeremy Corbyn provides the ideal conditions for a large and thriving clump, which is what we’ve found.

“Lichen is a complex organism that arises from single-celled, mindless algae growing amongst fronds of fungus in a symbiotic relationship, which as well as being exciting is also a striking metaphor for Jeremy’s relationship with the Labour Party.”

A preservation order has been slapped on the lichen, which means Corbyn will not be able to change his position on anything for the rest of his natural life, so no challenge there.