President Trump has signed an executive order that forces every national fashion retailer to sell his wife’s jewellery and his daughters fashion range.
Citing national security and the threat of radical Islam, President Trump signed the executive order under the Make America Great Again banner.
“You voted for me to protect America and make this country great again,” explained the President.
“And nothing I can do as your President can ever make us safer or greater than signing this bigly beautiful decree to sell Melania’s and Ivanka’s beautiful lines of pretty stuff nationwide.
“They make the best clothes and jewellery, let me tell you. The Muslims run in fear when they how sexy and hot this stuff is. It’s the best.”
White house spokesman Sean Spicer told the press pool, “Radical Islam wants to make our women wear Burkas and all that other scary Muslim clothing with no jewellery. This threatens our American way of life and is an attack on the capitalist principles that our constitution is based on – threatens our national security.”
When asked for comment on the executive order no national retail chain was willing to make an official statement.
A Nordstroms spokesperson who asked to remain anonymous told us, “We do not sell clothes based on religious or nationalistic demand. We are here to make a profit, not file bankruptcy like Trump has done so many times.”
A spokesperson for Walmart who also spoke off the record said, “We would love to sell the Trump line of clothes and jewellery but the majority of our customers have a more refined taste.”