The US Embassy has warned of potential diplomatic problems if Buckingham Palace proceeds with its planned refreshment menu for the forthcoming state visit.
The proposal for a State Reception with plenty of Tango for guests and finger bowls full of Wotsits was drawn up by the Queen in collaboration with her closest advisors before being submitted to the Embassy as a courtesy.
Suggestions that the Palace will arrange a ‘small finger buffet’ have been rejected out of hand.
The guest list has also raised eyebrows, with Ian Paisley Jr. and other prominent Orangemen being included for the first time.
Sources inside Buckingham Palace confirmed that the US Embassy has expressed concerns over a menu including carrot soup and pumpkin pie, and privately doubted that ‘Royal Protocol’ included slapping visitors round the face with either one or both hands.
“Look, we’re not stupid,” a spokesman for Donald Trump said in a display of the latest fad for Alternative Facts.
“You’d have to be a plain old moron not to see there’s a theme in these arrangements.”
“They’re all made in Britain and you thought we’d be too dumb to notice that! We demand some real American food and drink, like bright orange cheese and peach Faygo.”
The Queen is known for her wicked sense of humour disconcerting foreign dignitaries, such as the time she challenged King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia to a yard of ale and bacon butty contest before doing donuts around the Sandringham skidpan in her Honda Accord.