Daily Mail editor Paul Dacre keeps David Cameron’s testicles in a display case at home, according to reports today.
After an investigation showed that the former prime minister tried to have Dacre sacked, it has been revealed that his testicles were removed in a ceremonial neutering designed to warn off any other over-confident public figures.
Experts have criticised the temerity of Cameron in attempting to get Dacre sacked, and his ignorance to the power of the reclusive moron-wrangler to rip away his plums with impunity.
“Some people collect art, some people collect animal heads – Paul collects the testicles of those who dare to cross him,” explained on Daily Mail insider.
“The man has the power to instantly whip millions of simpletons into an angry frenzy with a simple made-up headline, so you have no choice but to bend to his will. To challenge him is to lose.
“I was there the day he neutered Cameron, and it wasn’t pretty. He begged to keep them, even offering to ‘ban the darkies’ and put the ‘benefit seekers in prison’, but it wasn’t enough to save them.
“Paul donned his ceremonial cape and whipped them off with a pair of secateurs, and put them straight into a glass case engraved with ‘Cameron’s bollocks’. He then emailed a copy of the video to every MP.
“It should all be making sense to you now. I think the lack of testicles perfectly explains his post-referendum resignation.”
I think, therefore I am (not a Daily Mail reader)