For at least the second or third time in a row, the wrong person has announced their decision to leave Doctor Who.
Peter Capaldi, who has brought tremendous emotional range and subtlety to the show is to depart, leaving behind Chris Chibnall, who hasn’t and isn’t.
Many fans of the series are left bereft by the news, as they had hoped for better news in the wake of last year’s Christmas special – which was described as ‘unusually mawkish and twee and that’s saying something’.
“Peter Capaldi leaving the role of the Doctor is a huge blow. Almost as huge as Chris staying,” said long-term Whovian Simon Williams.
“There was a moment when I heard the words ‘I’ve done what I hoped to and it’s time to move on’ and my heart leapt for joy, right up until I realised who was actually doing the talking.
“God, it’s like Adric all over again, except that he’s writing the show rather than just cluttering up the Tardis like a fart in a Volkswagen.”
The newly-formed Doctor Who Liberation Front has started a petition demanding that if Capaldi is going, Neil Gaiman could be cast in the role and then slowly take over the writing as well, possibly by knocking out all the other writers with a BAFTA award.
“If that doesn’t work, we’ll start taking hostages,” we were told.