Tuesday 31 January 2017 by JS Harding

Confused Theresa May joins Grindr after researching the European singles market

Theresa May on Grindr

Prime Minister Theresa May has inadvertently joined gay sex and dating app Grindr after her backroom team’s attempt to perform in-depth research on the European single market.

“Oops!” said Simon Williams, the Tory special adviser in modern research matters, after admitting that his department’s research comprised little more than Googling ‘singles market’, ‘European’ and ‘expensive leather chaps’.

“Well, we know how Theresa likes her leather trousers, but I think the work experience girls, Tabathathatha and Chlamydia might have got the wrong end of the stick in this situation.

“With hindsight, photoshopping Theresa into a pair of chaps and reclining on a sofa designed like a huge Bratwurst might have sent the wrong message.

“Oh ruddy heck. I’ll probably be sent out into the proles to be egged for this.”

With Mrs May busily trying to scorch layers of skin off of her hand after it temporarily made contact with Donald Trump’s withered left claw, it is believed that she is not yet aware of her researcher’s gaffe.

But with scores of confused gay men and women tempted by the idea of hooking up with a powerful, foreboding leather clad ruler, it’s likely that several thousand notifications regarding her availability in the London area this weekend will greet her when she finally picks up her phone again.

“I’m beginning to think we definitely shouldn’t have mentioned her iron fist,” added a sheepish Williams.

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