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Theresa May has booked herself in for a vajazzle before her meeting with President Trump.
Simone Williams, a senior personal advisor to Mrs May, said, “Though Mrs May is a stringent advocate of women’s rights, she has taken counsel from her special advisors and have come to the opinion that it was prudent to undertake the painful procedure ‘just in case’.
“The advisors, myself among them, have decided that, despite Mr Trump’s patriarchal and chauvinistic stance on the matter, should such an eventuality indeed occur, it would be beneficial that Mrs May is at her very, very best.
“That is, like a contestant from Love Island on ITV2.
“I can further confirm that the prime minister’s travelling party includes Mrs Vanessa Wiggins, owner of Van’s Vajazzles, of Chigwell.
“It has been taken upon advice that we go for a ‘full Hollywood’, before proceeding with the rhinestone application and the subsequent bells and whistles.
“Which are literally bells and whistles.
“Mrs May will make no further comment on this matter.
“However, Michael Gove has offered to speak about his ‘frillywilly’ procedure.”
