Russia has been asked if they could keep their Aircraft Carrier downwind while it goes though the English Channel.
The Admiral Kuznetsov, which belches out more black smoke than a 1980s diesel Skoda, was blamed for a sharp spike in asthma cases in East Anglia and Kent the last time it went past, and the NHS has pointed out it’s not like they’ve got enough on at the moment.
Russia had sent the Kuznetsov to Syria to help with their operations in the region but then recalled it when the donkey went to sleep, rendering it immobile.
“A diesel-powered 1980s military relic is the perfect metaphor for the modern, aggressive Russian Military,” said Kremlin spokesman Captain Simonov Williamsovitch.
“Certainly, this display of Naval might is enough to strike fear into the hearts of our enemies, as well as particulate carbon and carcinogens from the smoke.
“Admittedly there were some technical problems when the elastic band broke and several of our aeroplanes fell off the side of the ship, but in Russian terms, that’s still quite a big win.”
To help speed the Carrier on its way through British territorial waters, the Royal Navy is reported to be playing the theme from Ivor the Engine and the noise from Windy Miller’s Windmill from speakers mounted to their brand spanking new Type 45s.