“Who the hell has got my phone?” demands a furious Donald Trump

author avatar by 7 years ago

After a series of reasonable and articulate statements appeared on his Twitter feed, Donald Trump has furiously demanded to know who the hell has got his phone.

The comments, which were spelled correctly and used a minimum of exclamation points, supported the right of peaceful protest – leading the President to urgently start searching his pockets for the missing handset.

After checking down the back of the settee and under the seat of his car, the President fessed up to the secret service that he’d put his phone down and he was damned if he could remember where – but it’s pretty clear it’s still logged in as someone is using it.

“Look, you guys stop looking for the nuclear football – it’ll turn up wherever I left it – and get on with finding my phone,” he told agents as they searched the White House.  “I had it the other day. It must be around this place somewhere.”

“I had it the other day. It must be around this place somewhere.

NewsThump Hoodies

“There’s the numbers of some very important people on there. Very important. You wouldn’t believe how important.

“I don’t want someone else calling John Voight or Nigel Farage and them thinking it’s me.”

Agents are understood to be mystified where the phone might have got to, but are reluctant to call Apple and ask them for the location as that would be really, really embarrassing.

In other news, Barack Obama has just asked his daughter Malia where she got that new phone she’s been playing with since the inauguration.