Middle-class child fails to say anything poignant about Donald Trump

author avatar by 7 years ago

A pair of middle-class parents are concerned their six-year-old may have educational difficulties after she failed to say anything poignant about Donald Trump for them to tweet about.

Mr & Mrs Williams, who live in Stoke Newington but call it North Islington, first became concerned after their delightful, talented daughter saw Donald Trump on Newsround and didn’t say she was “afwaid of the howwid owinge man” or anything similarly endearing.

Six-year-old Simone, who has been described by teachers as ‘gifted’ and plays both recorder and violin at a level several years ahead of her age, had been placed in front of the television with her father logged in to twitter ready to demonstrate to friends what a perceptive child he has.

“We’d been saying within easy earshot of Simone that Donald Trump looks like he probably smells of tinkle, so at the very least we were hoping she’d just repeat that.

“But as it was she just said she hoped we’d be having chips for dinner.

“If she’d said something about fish fingers I could have made something out of that- you know, orange and crispy on the outside, white and flavourless on the inside – but not a peep.

“I swear, if she turns out thick or right wing it’s not me she gets it from.”

At time of writing, Simone is not composing an adorable little rhyme about the naughty new President for her parents to tell all their friends about over a bottle of Zinfandel, but is just playing in unconcerned happiness with her small toy Pepe the Frog – behaviour that her father describes as disappointing and unnatural.