Scientists who have warned people not to eat chips have been told they’ve gone too far this time.
Instead, researchers have been told that what’s really good for you is shutting up about chips and keeping it that way.
A report published today which says that glorious, delicious, crispy golden chips carry health risks including cancer has been described as ‘fighting talk’ by the general population.
The report, which says that acrylamide – which is found in starchy foods like chips when they’re cooked to perfection in a deep fat fryer or baked until wonderfully golden in the oven – substantially increases the chances of cancer has been described as ‘science gone mad’ by normal people.
Chips, which are made of vegetables and therefore good for you, have been under sustained attack by so-called ‘scientists’ for years, probably due to jealousy and resentment at just how good they actually are.
“What we need is a serious, peer-reviewed study which shows chips are not only a superfood but also carry the slight chance of giving you powers like Professor X,” said chippy owner Simon Williams.
“After a lifetime of eating delightfully fluffy, soft on the inside but crisped and sharp on the outside chips, I reckon I’m healthier, slimmer and a substantially better lover,” he added before needing a sit down because of a sharp pain down his arm.
“If chips were radioactive, I reckon you’d have a pretty good chance of joining the Avengers with incredible chip-like powers after eating a bag or two.”