So long and thanks for all the fish, say dolphins on eve of inauguration

author avatar by 6 years ago

The dolphins have vacated the planet Earth, apparently fearing some terrible and imminent catastrophe.

Marine biologists confirmed that the dolphins had ‘buggered off’ at 8:02am this morning, shortly after attempting a double-backward somersault while whistling the ‘Star Spangled Banner’.

The choice of tune is not considered coincidental at this time, and is instead believed to be an attempt at some sort of warning.

“We think the message may have been an attempt to warn us about the Vogons, except that Vogons aren’t orange,” said confused Professor of Cetology Simon Williams.

President-elect Trump took to Twitter to criticise the dolphins for their cowardice, saying that “Dolphins are so overrated! They served no porpoise! Sad!” before following it up with some poetry.

Oh Moscow Grunt Bigly
Thy micturations are to me
As ratings on failing CNBC
Lots of people are saying that.
Lots of people

Reports from the editorial team at the Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy indicate the Earth’s entry has been substantially downgraded from ‘Mostly harmless’.

In related news, the Vogons have today announced that they will demolish the Earth to make way for a Bypass, and the Earth will pay for it.