Barack Obama has used his redundancy pay to buy a brightly-painted van so he and Joe Biden can drive around the country solving mysteries.
The two had considered taking a flat on Baker Street but found central London property prices prohibitively expensive.
Obama, who has bought a leather greatcoat and a pair of badass shades for his new life, invited Biden to join him in a series of whacky 70s-style escapades.
“Barack is the cool, calm collected cat with a mind like a trap and a kung-fu grip,” a White House spokesman told us to the accompaniment of a wah-wah bass guitar.
“But Biden is a crazy coot whose wild ideas always come good. Ch-ka ch-ka pow.
“Crime better watch its step when this wild pair blow into town, baby.”
While driving around America, Obama and Biden expect that one week they might have to identify the scary ghoul scaring people away from the old fairground, and the next try to figure out why nobody has yet closed the spooky prison camp in the secluded bay.
The two are understood to have invited a couple of girls to accompany them on their adventures.
The spokesperson added, “We need a tall, foxy one for Barack to go off with while everyone else goes exploring and a short dumpy one who keeps crawling around on the floor crying about having lost something.”
When told, Hillary Clinton replied “Jinkies, my voters!”