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The pound has hit its lowest level in three months amid reports that Theresa May will outline plans to physically pull Great Britain out of Europe and relocate it in the Pacific Ocean, just to the south of Hawaii.
Markets had been braced for an announcement of a so-called ‘hard’ Brexit, but Downing Street seems to be indicating that what will actually take place is a ‘bastard rock-hard git of a’ Brexit.
The volatility is as a result of economic uncertainty surrounding the costs of physically moving a nation from one side of the world to the other, and the impact on households of the cost of sun cream to stop the average British person catching fire in the tropical climate.
The Pacific move would also raise uncertainty of obtaining a favourable trade deal with the rest of Europe.
“It’s diplomatically a bit tricky,” said analysist Simon Williams.
“Not only are we saying that we do not want union with Europe, but we find it so distasteful that we’re prepared to develop technology to move our country across the world.
“It’s likely the French and Germans may consider that a bit of a slap in the face.”
A consolation for the markets is that rumoured plans to launch Great Britain into space so that we never have to look at a Belgian again seem to have now finally been abandoned.
Brexit means Clusterf*ck – get the t-shirt
