Storm surge threatens coastal areas with massive waves of immigration metaphors

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Low-lying areas of the UK risk being swamped by a tidal wave of immigration metaphors, it has emerged.

The Environment Agency said high spring tides combined with winds from the EU will cause a tsunami of metaphors at around dinnertime today.

Vulnerable coastal areas are believed to be up to five metres lower than in the 1980s due to the sheer weight of migrants from Eastern Europe.

Meanwhile, soft-touch forecasters are warning the public to remain vigilant against poorly–worded tide briefings and sea wall scaremongering.

Environment Agency spokesman, Simon Williams, said, “There will be floods, rivers, rivers of floods, rivers of blood. Bloody rivers.

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“Breaching our defences, hitherto unseen, not like it was when I was a boy.

“Many families are facing evacuation and fear they will return to living rooms occupied by unfairness.”

Williams said there would be no let up in the deluge as our values become gradually eroded by rising levels.

Williams added, “Large areas, wet, unrecognisable.

“All they have worked for.”