Billions of ‘special snowflakes’ have blanketed the UK in untold political correctness, according to skewed media reports today.
From Dover to Doncaster, falls as deep as two inches mean the public will have to tread very carefully to avoid causing offence.
Meanwhile, Heathrow Airport was closed for over two hours while snow ploughs created a safe space for the precious little darlings on Runway Two.
Forecaster Simon Williams said, “The snow is mainly falling over the moral high ground above 250 metres and in liberal metropolitan areas where it can gain a sympathetic hearing.
“Other areas have experienced gender-neutral sleet and right-on wintry showers.”
He added, “Each flake is special, unique and must be respected.
“That’s why the gritters haven’t been out.”
Wrapping up his forecast, Williams concluded, “If necessary, you can always remove it from your driveway using a spade.
“Sorry – I meant an iron-bladed digging implement.”