Scottish weather described as horrendous, unendurable and quite mild for the time of year

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Up to eight inches of snow fell in Scotland overnight, leaving workers wondering if they’ll need to wear a jacket to go to Greggs this lunchtime.

As conditions described as ‘arctic’ and ‘life-threatening’ descend on parts of the country, many Scots are considering getting the lawnmower out because the garden can get out of control in unseasonably warm weather like this.

Meanwhile, lengthy tailbacks were reported on roads across Scotland as people decided to take a long weekend and head to the seaside to top up their tan.

Drivers have been told that if they find themselves slipping and sliding on the road, they should pull over and sober up a bit before continuing.

However, motorists in Glasgow are warned of challenging conditions, but that has nothing to do with the weather and everything to do with it being Glasgow.

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Economists warn the icy blast may have a negative impact on the Scottish economy, with some predicting up to £8 of lost output.

Brushing a layer of rime-frost from his beard, Largs resident Simon Williams described the current weather as ‘absolutely lovely out’, and told us he’s gone so far as to invite a few of his mates round for a barbeque while the weather holds.

“I’ve broken out some macaroni pies to grill, and we’ll just do anything that thaws with chips,” he said while cheerfully snapping icicles off his hat.

In related news, a light fall of snow in England has resulted in widescale panic, nationwide standstill, and isolated reports of cannibalism.

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