White House orders King-Sized waterproof mattress covers

author avatar by 8 years ago

White House residence staff have placed a bulk order for waterproof easy-clean mattress covers for the Executive Residence.

After a frantic search online, Amazone Prime member and chief valet Simon Williams said the covers would be in place in time for Donald Trump’s inauguration on 21st January.

He told reporters, “I’ve ordered a selection, as I’m told some of them can be a bit noisy – like you’ve put greaseproof paper under there.”

When asked if the requirement for waterproof mattress covers had come as a shock to the White House staff, Williams said, “not really.”

He went on, “He is quite old, so bed-wetting was always a possibility to consider.

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“But we were planning on checking the sheets for accidental night-time leakage, rather than a significant daily clean-up operation because he’s voluntarily hosed the place down with his piss.

“On the plus side, his aides have assured us his bowel movements are regular as clockwork, with a full evacuation at 7 am, on the dot, every day.

“Unfortunately, his alarm doesn’t go off until 7:30.”

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