Thursday 5 January 2017

CEOs would take rest of the year off if they could stomach your pathetic lifestyle


Businessman celebrating yearly wage earned by Tuesday

After reports that leading CEOs had earned your yearly wage by yesterday afternoon, it was revealed they could take the rest of the year off if only they could stomach living like you.

The High Pay Centre says the UK’s top bosses have earned the average wage of £28,000 just two days into the 2017 working year, meaning they could down tools if they were willing to slum it like you do.

Average wage worker Simon Williams said, “I like the idea of taking most of the year off, but I live in a shitty flat, and my freezer is full of ready meals made by Iceland – so what sort of life would that be?

“Sure, I could binge watch Netflix for a couple of months, but snacking and my booze intake would be limited by my budget, so I’d probably want to go back to work by mid-February. March at the very latest.

“Look, I really like me, and I still wouldn’t want to live like me.”

CEOs have thanked the many average wage workers for the generous offer of taking the rest of the year off and settling for a salary of £28,000, but every single one politely declined.

Chief Executive of a FTSE 250 firm Henry Matthews told us, “Take the year off and live on £28,000? Do I look like a complete moron?

“I think, rather than take the year off, I’ll work just a little bit harder this year so that next year I’ve earned the national average yearly wage by the end of the first afternoon instead.”

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