Tight-arse popping out at lunch to stock up on wrapping paper

author avatar by 6 years ago

Tight-arse Simon Williams is popping out at lunchtime today to stock up on wrapping paper and cards for next Christmas.

Williams explained that he’d be gone for about an hour, before telling colleagues he expects to pick up several bargains that will make next Christmas ‘cheap as chips’.

He went on, “It’s the best time of year to do it, obviously. Wrapping paper is usually more expensive than a roll of tinfoil, which is crazy, because foil wraps presents absolutely perfectly, despite what the wife says.

“I won’t be buying any actual presents though, who knows who I’ll fall out with over the next year, it would be a complete waste of money.”

Colleagues have said that Williams’ approach to saving money on Christmas wrapping is not unusual for him, with one explaining, “I wouldn’t say he puts tea bags on the washing line, but that’s mainly because he never bloody buys any.

“Even the moths in his wallet left because he wanted to charge them rent.

“But frankly, what’s the point in investing anything on next Christmas? Going by the last twelve months, we’ll probably all be dead by then anyway.”