December 2015 wakes up in the shower

author avatar by 7 years ago

In a stunning last-minute plot twist, December 2015 has woken up in the shower revealing everything that happened in the last 12 months to have been just a dream.

Sitting bolt upright with a gasp, December looked around in confusion for several moments before wiping its brow in relief that the absolute carnage of the preceding twelve months has turned out to be just some crazy nightmare.

2015 is understood to have eaten a considerable amount of blue cheese before dozing off, resulting in a series of intense and unsettlingly real visions in its sleep.

“That was intense,” 2015 is reported to have said to nobody in particular. “Everyone was dying.

“I mean, yeah. Some of them were old, so I wasn’t too surprised, but the bit where Bowie and Victoria Wood fell off the perch seemed so real.

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“And there was this orgy of destruction of public institutions and wealth motivated by nothing but angry spite. Thank God that wasn’t real.”

Emerging from the shower and towelling itself off, December 2015 mused that whatever the future brings, it’s unlikely to be as bad as the dream it has just had.

“I’m really looking forward to listening to Terry Wogan doing Eurovision in a few months, said the old year. “And

“And The Force Awakens is great! I hope Princess Leia gets a bigger role in the sequel.”

In breaking news, it has just been on the news that Lemmy has died.