Russia vows to delete all White House videogame saves

author avatar by 7 years ago

Russia has responded to the US expulsion of its diplomats with a vow to delete all game saves on White House computers, PS4s and Xboxes.

Vice President Joe Biden is said to be particularly concerned as he’s put many hours into the most recent Tomb Raider game, including unlocking the mythical Lara Croft in a bikini mode.

“This is a real escalation by the Russians,” said security expert Simon Williams.

“You’ve got Vice-President Biden’s Tomb Raider saves, as well as President Obama’s Pokemon save – he came close to catching them all during some of the long stand-offs with congress.

“His wife, Michelle, is also a surprisingly avid Call of Duty player, racking up over 3000 online kills with her feared avatar ‘DeathBastard’.”

The diplomatic expulsions come in the wake of Russian hacks during the recent Presidential election where they introduced the following script to hundreds of thousands of US computers

10 Print “Hilary Clinton is a big shitter”
20 Goto 10

The hack is said to have been critical to Donald Trump’s triumph in the election and showed how able Russia is to launch online incursions.

“Make no mistake, Russia can lay to waste the Obama administration’s gaming achievements, that’s the sort of online power they wield,” continued Mr Williams.

It is understood that the White House is planning to retaliate by hacking President Putin’s personal World of Warcraft account and changing all his character’s names to PutinIsALittleGirl and making them all wear pink dresses.