Heaven rebrands as ‘Club Tropicana’

author avatar by 7 years ago

Heaven has been rebranded as ‘Club Tropicana’ after George Michael discovered it’s exactly how he described it in the classic song.

The afterlife is a beautiful sunshine paradise with unlimited free drinks and full of happy people, many of which are beloved stars that died in 2016 and with whom you can expect to brush shoulders.

These are all characteristics described in the 1983 hit by Wham! with Mr Michael apparently not the first to notice the similarities.

“Heaven is a total rip off of George’s ideas, even the toilets are like the one in his ‘Outside’ video,” a divine source confirmed.

“It’s no secret that God is a massive fan, he even went through a goatee phase because of him, but he just looked like David Brent.

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“Nothing has really changed since the rebrand, it’s almost exactly the same, except George has hung a massive disco ball up – but we’re obviously delighted to have him here.”


God himself explained, “I know there are some rumours floating about, so I can confirm that it is true and henceforth Heaven will be known as ‘Club Tropicana’.

“When he arrived, George pointed out a few of the glaring similarities to the song – the fun, the sun, the stars already here, the volume of drinks available – and the fact that we’re not in danger of running out of any of them.

“Frankly not even I’m going to pick an argument with him, so I offered to change the name.

“To be honest, before 1983, Heaven was basically just clouds, togas and grapes – it was pretty boring.

“All of my best ideas come from that song, and now this place a wild party – especially with all the great entertainers I’ve accumulated this year.

“However, I would like to reassure everyone that I’m still an angry, vengeful God at heart, so I’ll be doing my best to restore balance in 2017.”